Competition and Me Don't Mix

Those of you that know me well....know that I have a problem with competition. Or maybe I should put it this way, there are very few people brave enough to sit down and play a game of Monopoly with me. Here's the deal - I hate to lose. I grew up playing basketball and volleyball and I had a real issue with losing or performing badly. I expect that when I put my mind to something I should win. Therefore, when I do lose - I don't lose well and I really don't like the person I become or the way it makes me feel. So now for the most part I'm fairly non-competitive unless the stakes are hard to resist.

For example - I've been participating in a weight loss contest for the last 10 weeks. I had fooled myself to think that I was only participating and it was not a competition. It wasn't supposed to be about who lost the most weight or how fast, but rather we each had a goal of losing 10 pounds and then those who made their goal were entered into a series of drawings for cash prizes. Well I sit here now 10 weeks later, 10 pounds lighter and with zero cash prizes. Why do I feel like I lost a competition? It was after all, or at least supposedly, a random drawing. A lot of hard work, a lot of self-discipline and I'm not content knowing I've lost the weight, I did it to win. To win the prize. And instead what I receive is what all participants receive, whether they lost 2 pounds or 20 pounds we all get a freakin t-shirt. Sorry, but I'd rather have Park Place for $100 or Boardwalk for $500 - those were pretty awesome prizes.

So yea, I'm upset and I've taken it personal. And I'm remembering all the reasons why I've chosen to be a non-competitive person. I just can't handle it. If it was about losing the weight, I would have joined a club or taken out my pilates videos - but it was about the money, the wonderful little cash cards that would have given me a little freedom in being a little frivolous.

I think I'll go eat a donut now.