Not In My House!

Boy do I have a story for y'all!!

Saturday morning Jason left for his baseball game while I slept in and caught up on some much needed sleep. I thought I'd have myself a nice lazy morning and make some coffee and eat a little breakfast. Waiting for the coffee to brew, I headed to the guest room to find Banks for a quick snuggle and kiss. At first I didn't see her, but then saw a quick flick of her tail from the bottom of the guest bed. Now usually seeing a flick like that can only mean she's stalking some sort of prey. So I walk around the room to see what she's after and see that it must have burrowed itself under a plastic tub. Oh how I love when Banks kills any living thing in the house. Eager to assist Banks with the satisfaction of making a kill, I slide the tub out of the way.

The next thing I know this long black slimy looking thing is running in circles around by my feet, Banks is going ballistic trying to catch it and I'm running barefoot in the opposite direction, screaming my head off!!

I grab my phone to find out how close Jason is to getting home. He's like 20 minutes away, which can seem like an eternity when something alive, black and slimy is running through your guest room. SO NOT OKAY! Jason is trying to get me to give a description and I can't think of what to tell him, except long black and ridiculously fast. I run to put my tennis shoes on and sneak in the back room to see if Banks has saved us both. But now she's facing the corner next to the TV stand, making her most intimidating meow sound and flicking her tail. So thankfully, at least I know she can see it and still has it trapped. Thank God.

I go back to the front of the house and wait for Jason, pacing back and forth in the dining room. I realize it's a good thing I've already taken my heart pill, or to my absolute horror I may have passed out cold right there in the guest room.

Finally after what feels like an eternity Jason shows up. He grabs a piece of cabinet trim and heads to the back of the house. At first he doesn't see it, so he asks me to grab the flashlight for him. What and bring it to you???!!! In there??!!! For crying out loud! So I run to get the flashlight and stretching out as far as I can from the door, I hand it over to him. In reality, he's lucky I didn't chuck it at his head as I make a run for the front of the house. I hear him say he sees it and he thinks its a stick bug.
This is what a stick bug is, which is gross, but not what I saw. What I saw was a lot more scary and super fast.

Jason: Ohhhh...I know what it is.

Me: Oh crap, what is it??

Jason: It's a lizard!

Me: WHAT!!!! IN MY HOUSE??!!!!

Jason: Can you bring me a glass?

Me: WHAT??? AND BRING IT TO YOU??? IN THERE WITH THE LIZARD???

Jason: Just bring me a glass!!

Me: Argh!!

SO I grab a glass and plate and give it to Jason who by this point has it moved into another corner of the room, asking me to look at it. No, I don't want to look at it, I've already seen it -just get rid of it or let Banks eat the thing! The second he takes the glass and plate, Banks sees her chance for lunch and lunges at it - in which Jason stops her cold by smooshing her into the floor. She looks up at him and begins to growl because she's completely pissed that she's worked so hard for this treat and he's standing in the way of it. Finally, he captures the thing and takes it outside to free it in the alley. We tried rewarding Banks with treats for all her hard work, but she had no interest in her treats at all and ignored us for a good few hours while she sulked.

And just so you all know the terror I experienced, I found a picture of it online. It's called a blue tailed skink lizard, and don't you dare say its beautiful! It's not, its freaky, scary, fast and does NOT belong in my house!