Christmas is probably one of my favorite holidays. I love to bake lots of cookies and treats, shop for gifts to bless family & friends with, watch holiday movies and sit in front of the fire. But this year...I'm struggling to get in the spirit. Right now the holiday season feels like no other season to me, just that there's a tree in my living room and stockings hanging from the mantle. I'm not in the mood to bake, because my clothes are too tight as it is. I'm not in the mood to shop because my account is too dry. I'm not in the mood to watch holiday movies, because I don't want to watch them alone. I know this would be a little easier if Jason was able to be home more in the evenings, but he's been working really hard so that we could afford to spend Christmas together out in Seattle. I'm blessed by a man who loves me that much that he's working all through the day and the evening so we could have Christmas together, so I truly am thankful for that. It just doesn't make it any less lonely at the moment either.
I know at the 11th hour when we finally arrive into Seattle, it will finally feel like its Christmas. It's been far too long since I've seen my family over the holidays. I miss them and I miss showering them with love, goodies & gifts and cozying up together to watch While You Were Sleeping. It's not the same without family. I want to drink hot cocoa, sit in front of a real fire, play a game, do a puzzle, read a book cuddled up next to my sisters, watch a movie with the family while dad nods off, eat mom's home cooked turkey & stuffing. I'm a traditions girl, I need them. I've tried my best to make some of our own, but its not the same. I want a little boy and a little girl of my own to share these traditions with, to buy gifts for, to snuggle on Christmas Eve with, to sew stockings for, to bake goodies with. It shouldn't be any shocker to hear me say that - I am 31 after all. I know, all in God's timing.
We're going to a Christmas party tonight and I'm not even looking forward to it. Friends are great, but I want my family. I wish we were leaving tomorrow, I'm homesick.