Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I'm in a funk.

Christmas is probably one of my favorite holidays. I love to bake lots of cookies and treats, shop for gifts to bless family & friends with, watch holiday movies and sit in front of the fire. But this year...I'm struggling to get in the spirit. Right now the holiday season feels like no other season to me, just that there's a tree in my living room and stockings hanging from the mantle. I'm not in the mood to bake, because my clothes are too tight as it is. I'm not in the mood to shop because my account is too dry. I'm not in the mood to watch holiday movies, because I don't want to watch them alone. I know this would be a little easier if Jason was able to be home more in the evenings, but he's been working really hard so that we could afford to spend Christmas together out in Seattle. I'm blessed by a man who loves me that much that he's working all through the day and the evening so we could have Christmas together, so I truly am thankful for that. It just doesn't make it any less lonely at the moment either.

I know at the 11th hour when we finally arrive into Seattle, it will finally feel like its Christmas. It's been far too long since I've seen my family over the holidays. I miss them and I miss showering them with love, goodies & gifts and cozying up together to watch While You Were Sleeping. It's not the same without family. I want to drink hot cocoa, sit in front of a real fire, play a game, do a puzzle, read a book cuddled up next to my sisters, watch a movie with the family while dad nods off, eat mom's home cooked turkey & stuffing. I'm a traditions girl, I need them. I've tried my best to make some of our own, but its not the same. I want a little boy and a little girl of my own to share these traditions with, to buy gifts for, to snuggle on Christmas Eve with, to sew stockings for, to bake goodies with. It shouldn't be any shocker to hear me say that - I am 31 after all. I know, all in God's timing.

We're going to a Christmas party tonight and I'm not even looking forward to it. Friends are great, but I want my family. I wish we were leaving tomorrow, I'm homesick.

8 comments:

ReSoNate said...

Thinking of you Kimmers! Your dreams will come true - soon.

Tina said...

Our house is cozy with an oversized fireplace, a piping hot "hot tub" in the back yard, and decorated to the nines with holiday cheer... and waiting for you to come rest and enjoy with friends. After you've seen your family, of course. Love you and can't wait to see you and enjoy a homemade latte, that's better than Starbucks if I do say so myself, and I do ;) Our friends are our family and we can't wait to see you both. Love, kisses, hugs... 11 days and counting!

Kristin Kelly said...

Almost there sister! We are so excited to see you. Don't be sad. This ought to make you smile...I bought Kati a bottle of Rum for her stocking yesterday! hehe. it's gonna be the best Christmas EVER!!!

Anonymous said...

Girl, you have me crying! Come on home...
kate

Katrina Hope said...

Yep, crying. I can't wait for you to be home! I think I've told every person I know that you and Jason are coming home for Christmas and just how excited I am! :) I've already washed my flannel sheets for you guys and everything lol.

Little One.

Anonymous said...

Kim, I totally understand your heart. I too wish all the things that you desire. Their are great friends and are vital to us but family is much deeper than words can say. We will treasure the time we have and keep it close to our heart because it truly was a gift from God that we get to open on His Birthday. Traditions are built into our family so to engrave these memorise into our hearts so time and distance only enhances the desire to be together. That is why it is so important to treasure them and pass them on with the Keiths touches. These feelings you are experiencing are called "sweet sorrow" they build the anticipation for our time together so we treasure them so much more. So--- Bring on the three Gifts and I'LL have Kleenex ready.
The stockings are hung with great care, the cinnamon rolls are waiting to be baked, the puzzles are stacked and ready to be solved, the presents are arrange to be opened in order (not numbered), Movies rented so not to be unavailable, movies to pick from at the theaters, and yes the scrabble game on the desk with Tom and Jason last game score setting the challenge along with all the other board games to set the Kelly game nights, and last but not least Coffee beans waiting to be ground to enhance the home made treats. We will laugh, laugh and yes laugh so to fill the emptiness that we now feel, ___ Thank you God For all this you have given us for your Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!
. Your can hardly wait Mom

Holli said...

I totally understand how you feel... I'm homesick too! I wish we could go home for the holidays and not have to spend them alone but such is life right? You gotta make the best if it no matter what.

Kate Barnette said...

Kim, my heart hurts reading that. We're having a pretty quiet Christmas this year. I'm looking forward to that, but I miss the things you describe, too. Enjoy your time back home. Merry Christmas!